Writing is hard *insert relevant Spn gif here*

[ideen_elster]

Writing is my passion. If I had the energy and no other hobbies or obligations I'd write 24/7. That hasn't always been the case, I mean writing has always been my passion, but because of ~issues I spend a lot of time just... not writing for years.

Partially I got over that. I write a lot more now than I did in the past and it comes much much easier to me, but thanks to my depression and other issues I feel like I really fucked up my writing process. On one hand I have found a way to write even during a writer's block by writing in a simplified and script-like manner which leaves me with a lot of drafts in the end which can be edited, refined and finished outside of the writing block. That's neat. On the other hand though that puts pressure on me to finally actually GET TO THE EDITING. Sadly, editing is not my favorite step of the process, simply cause I have no patience and I like things to get done quickly. That's impossible with editing and objectively speaking that's fine but ugh it grates so much on me cause thanks to my depression I feel I don't have time and too much to do at the same time.

That rather leaves me caught between a rock and a hard place. I love writing and I have so many ideas that it's easy for me to write daily. Fine. No problem there. I've found for myself that daily writing is what works best for me. Those numerous drafts are like a weight around my ankles though, dragging me down, and my muse isn't helping cause she has a fucking machine gun that's rattling away all day and every bullet is a new idea.

So now I've been thinking. I have currently 27 drafts in various states of being finished. Draft meaning that it has a beginning, a middle and an end with the dialogue and all written. (Refer to that WIP overview I did to see what else is waiting for me :P) It's December. I've found I'm not the kind of writer who can go wherever my current obsession takes me cause that just leaves me with more half-finished things and abandoned never-to-be-done long stories but at least a lot of short oneshots (usually smut) and all of that just drives the pile higher and higher. (I'm notoriously bad at scrapping ideas, like I've already done that. I'm an idea-hoarder.)
I can't and won't put writing on hold but it's probably a good idea to get some of these drafts done, maybe get to that point where I can work on one story at a time (within reason, aka still jotting ideas and scenes down) so there is more of a structure.

For me, writing is heaven and hell combined. I've come really far from where I've started. I write a lot and I'm proud of that. Hopefully I can further resolve my issues so writing is more of a flow than a rut.

Comments

[aim_of_destiny]

sounds to me like you have a reasonably workable system in place :)

wrt editing, maybe try buddying up? the extra accountability can't hurt, and i know for a fact you're not the only one who has that exact issue with actually finishing and polishing longform stuff. r/n it should be easy to find people who are trying to pretty up their nanowrimo drafts, so maybe start looking there if the buddy system solution sounds interesting to you?

...persoonally, i have the bad habit of editing while i write, and it's slowing me down so much. so i admire your dedication to getting the draft down, that's always been an issue for me ^^"

[ideen_elster]

Thank you, it sure doesn't always feel that way but I guess that's to be expected xD

Hmmm buddy system for editing does sound interesting, though I always fear that I won't find someone cause my fandoms are too small and I switch ideas too often :( But yeah I'd actually love to have a writing/editing buddy

Seems like everyone's got their issues somewhere in the writing process. I admire people you can write long things and stick to one story and edit while they write :')

[aim_of_destiny]

it's always hard to get a handle on one's own accomplishments ime. we get used to what we do and how much, and sometimes it takes an outside view to help put everything into perspective :)

you don't necessarily have to pick someone from the same fandom! just someone who's also editing a project of a similar length, which is why i suggested the nanowrimo folks. being passingla familiar with each other's fandoms can help, sure, but the point of the buddy system is to report back to someone with what/how much you've done, and to help cheer them along as well. :)

ahaha, yeah. writing's hard, and the worst thing is that it's hard in like 60 different ways. lots of pits to fall into and learn how to climb back out of (or hop over) :D

[ideen_elster]

Yeah that's very true (and annoying xD).

I'll definitely look into it, thank you :)

Again you're right xD Sooo many pitfalls! But hey as long as you're learning from them I guess it's alright :)

[texelations]

I agree with aim-of-destiny, I've had a lot of luck with the editing process in getting a second pair of eyes on my work to see what isn't working in my rough draft and what needs tweaking. Getting feedback for edits helps me a lot in feeling like perfecting things as well as I can.

[ideen_elster]

I may have to try that. In all actuality I have someone who is willing to read over my drafts but we barely have any similar fandoms and I'm already throwing so much of my writing stuff at her...

[redseeker]

I feel you. I used to write all the time, but depression and circumstances have severely cut down both my energy and my attention span. I have so many ideas, but I know I won't be able to transform all of them into completed stories like I want to ;_;

Maybe just pick one of the drafts that looks like fun and do a rough edit through it, or just edit one chapter and post it and see what kind of response it gets? If people like it, that's a nice incentive to keep working on it. I dunno... I hope you find a system that works :)

[ideen_elster]

Depression is the worst! But I hope you and me both can regain some of our energy and attention span and if you ever want to talk ideas my PMs are always open <3

I actually tried that rough edit today and that worked pretty well. If you just go through it once and fix the glaring stuff it's kind of a "low-effort edit". Thanks for the tipp :)

[redseeker]

Same ♥ thanks!

Perfectionism is really a killer of creativity, in my experience. I'm trying to train myself that "done" is better than "perfect", but it's not easy xD

[ideen_elster]

Yeah perfectionism is not good for creativity. My motto for a long while was "If I have to suffer through reading my shoddy writing so does everyone else". That worked pretty well ;D

[thisonething]

I started writing when I was eight. I had a lot of 'flow' back then, even if it wasn't very good. I didn't get tied up with the particulars of editing. Later, through junior high, I worked harder at improving the quality of what I was producing. Still good, still had flow. I found roleplay (in earnest) while I was in high school, experienced a lot of flow in that medium as well. I thought, back then, that even if my career and life took me elsewhere, I'd always have writing as a hobby, as something I just did.

After I graduated, it just... evaporated. I briefly lived in another country. I ended up working 40 to 80 hours per week in very physically demanding jobs that I disliked, yet had to do in order to survive. I moved across the country. Tried college, couldn't table it around work. I'm still paying off student loans.

I lost all of my energy and creative drive for a decade. As of last year, I'm only just getting back into it. I finally have a stable job that doesn't bleed me dry. My partner and I finally have stable housing that we're able to afford and still have a little extra for nice things (we recently saved for two months and purchased our first flat screen tv).

Occasionally I find the flow of things. It's not the same as it used to be, but I never imagined that I could just... lose the ability to write for so long. If anyone had asked me that back in junior high or high school, I would've thought they were crazy.

The quality of my writing is, unfortunately, about where I left off at 18-19 years old. I've gained experience, since then, but my ambitions for what I want to do with my writing and (especially) my editing tends to exceed my current skillset, which generates a certain frustration it seems we're both familiar with. I'm hoping, with time and consistency, that I'll see some improvement.

That's the goal, at least. :)

Long story, but in short: [fistbump of solidarity] I think we'll both get to where we want to be, in time.

[ideen_elster]

*solidarity highfive*
Seems like we're somewhat two sides of the same coin in what happened to us.
I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your flow for writing so much due to your circumstances. :( That really sucks. Not having financial stability can really suck up all energy and focus on other things (had a similar thing happen to me, no writing during that time at all).

I'm happy to hear that your situation has stabilized though and that you're doing better :D I hope you can get back more into writing. :) <3

God yeah I know that feeling all too well to have, like, a divide between the "theoretical" skill and the practical ability. That's a huge thing that's keeping me from drawing right now but then I guess you just gotta start small and push through, remind yourself you're doing this for yourself and to find the joy in it. The "skill" will come later. :D (That said I feel like I haven't really improved since I've started writing fics in earnest in 2013 ^^)

I'm sure you'll see improvement :D <3

Thanks for sharing your story with me. <3 I feel you.

[sodium_amytal]

I've found I'm not the kind of writer who can go wherever my current obsession takes me cause that just leaves me with more half-finished things and abandoned never-to-be-done long stories but at least a lot of short oneshots (usually smut) and all of that just drives the pile higher and higher.

MOOD.

My editing process involves sending my stuff to a trusted beta-reader, which is great because it gets me a taste of that sweet validation. You could try finding someone to read over your drafts. For long stories, it might help to find someone who's just as excited about the idea as you are, and you can share ideas/snippets with them as you write. It really helps keep the motivation up, and a second pair of eyes is useful for editing.

[ideen_elster]

The worst is that it's not even getting better if I focus only on the short stuff cause it's like a goddamn hydra! One short thing is done, three more shot up! Gnarf!

I have someone who'd be willing to read over my stuff but I'm already bombarding her with so many things (she types my handwritten stuff into a text-file for me to use) so I don't want to bother her. And I have so many different fandoms I'm always a little worried about finding a beta :( AND ALAS many of my fandoms are so small finding someone who's just as hype is difficult. AAAAh
But otherwise I agree with you! It's just ugh hard ._.

[sodium_amytal]

One short thing is done, three more shot up!
But you still finished something! That's good! I think it helps to get out of the mindset that this is "work" or something you "have to" do. I catch myself saying that all the time ("oh I have to write/finish this fic") and it's like... No? I don't have to. My gremlin brain just wants validation or engagement with a thing I like, so I have to retrain it to get that "fuel" some other way. I think of writing a fic like a taking a roadtrip. You need fuel, which can be talking with other fans about the show/ship, or getting comments on writing/meta, or even rewatching/re-reading the canon.

And I have so many different fandoms I'm always a little worried about finding a beta :( AND ALAS many of my fandoms are so small finding someone who's just as hype is difficult. AAAAh
Oh mood. But keep in mind a beta doesn't always have to be familiar with the fandom. They can just be someone to look over the fic and see if the grammar/spelling/storyline has problems. They can help with characterization too, even if they're not familiar with the source material; is the characterization consistent throughout the story?
I know that feel, though, and maybe you'll have some luck posting to fandom communities in search of a beta (if you're looking for someone familiar with the canon).

[ideen_elster]

Yeah that's something that I have to remind myself of more often. That it's a hobby and that as long as I did something that's good. :)
That's a good way of thinking you got there :D

That's true with the beta. My occasional beta isn't in my fandoms either. Hmmm. I'm probably overthinking this too much again! xD Gotta focus on just writing and editing and having fun while doing it.

[divinemusings]

Editing is awful. I hate doing it and I'm horrible at self-editing. I feel your pain in a lot of ways. :/

[ideen_elster]

Yeah ಠ╭╮ಠ Maybe it's just that I don't really care to read my own writing? Or that since my first draft now is very very simplified? I don't know, but ugh editing also just takes so long! It probably takes about twice as long as the writing of the first draft!

[divinemusings]

I can understand that. Have you thought about having someone else edit it?

[ideen_elster]

How do you mean?

[divinemusings]

Instead of editing it yourself, finding someone else to edit it for you.

[ideen_elster]

Huh I never seriously considered that. I rather doubt I could find someone for that... hmmm I'll have to think on that. Thanks for mentioning it :)

[divinemusings]

You never know until you ask!

[21st_century_flapper]

from all the comments, I can already see that this is the most common writer problem ever, and it feels good to know that I'm not alone.

I have a novel. It's finished, except for three or four aditional scenes, and editing. It's good, as in "you could publish this" good. It's been laying around for years, collecting dust, because I hate editing. Editing is boring. Editing is tedious. Editing is no fun at all. (Also, I am deathly afraid of ever getting to the point of publishing it)

WIPs? Got 'em. Some of them also years and years old. Stuff where I hit a snag, told myself "I'll come back to this after I've written this plot bunny" and then never came back.

Like you said, it's like weights around my ankles that are dragging me down, because there's this little voice inside my head that says "how dare you write something new when you have work to do".

It's hard to write when all of your energy is going into holding it together, into simple things like getting up and doing the bare necessities. I'm slowly crawling out of the grip of yet another depression monster that kept me from writing for over half a year. I've thought about inducing a hypomanic episode just so I can write, but I know that after the high comes the lowest of lows, so I don't. But damn it's tempting.

I feel you. Fuck depression tbh

[ideen_elster]

Yeah it's really good to know that you're not alone. Though I gotta say it still annoys me to no end to have this problem, maybe cause I have an unrealistic view on how much "easier" others have it (others who are the exeption to the rule instead of the norm!).

Fear is probably the thing that keeps most of us back. Btw CONGRATS ON HAVING A FINISHED NOVEL! That's amazing! :D I hope you can find the motivation and (I guess) courage to finish it. I can certainly feel you. My actual career goal is to be a writer who makes her income by *drumroll* publishing her novels... well... not gonna happen while I only 100% write fics and nothing else. So I feel you so much. WIPs are more "safe" in that regard, can't fuck it up if you don't finish, right?
It's also a reason why I don't publish WIPs anymore. I just feel to guilty seeing them abandoned on my AO3. ^^'
Damn that inner critic, that inner nasty voice who doesn't have anything useful to say. It's certainly a hard and long way to crawl back into the light, so to speak, but we can do it.

Hard agree! I "only" have a light to moderate depression, which is now being treated medically and that's already too much. Last week I had a real high (ironically after I logged onto Tumblr on wednesday and saw it was burning) but yesterday? Just crashed again for no reason, don't remember what I did the day and couldn't muster up the energy to do the basics like doing my laundry. My writing block has been lasting for a year now and I think it's weird to others to see me writing while complaining about writer's block. It just doesn't flow. It's a constant fight to get the words out (unless it's an outline aparently?!). Just... UGH! So annoying and infuriating! I've decided to up my meds to kind of "add" some more support beams to my psyche so to speak since fortunately I'm only taking a small dose now and it's been working well for me.

I'm glad you're crawling out of the grip of that depression monster. They're ugly and shitty so kudos to you that you keep fighting. You can do it! (even if it just sounds like hollow words, I know that feeling). And it's great that you know not to induce a hypomanic episode. You'll be able to manage without, take your time, give yourself time. I hope you, me and everyone else of the commenters will get back into writing and take comfort in it. (ง •̀_•́)
(Also I feel like I should apologize for this word vomit. It just came over me. ._.)